Somewheres and Other Wheres

Three months ago today I was still an English language assistant living in a Murcia, Spain. The eight month teaching contract was nearing a close, the emotional last days of class at Nuestra Señora de los Angeles and Vicente Medina were sneaking closer into sight, and a plane destined for home was already booked. On June 1st, 2015 I can't remember what exactly I was doing, maybe waiting for a bus or possibly having a beer with friends in a shady plaza somewhere. The only thing I can remember from this day in time is what was on my mind. 

Will I come back to Murcia?

In early June I was offered a new contract to return to Murcia for the 2015-2016 school year. I remember telling myself that by September 1st (Today) a final decision will need to be made as to whether a return to teaching in Murcia will be happening next school year. 

Upon returning home, reuniting with family and friends, two lists were made. One was titled "Why I will come back to Murcia" and the other "Why I will stay home." Within minutes the list for why I would come back to Murcia grew quite long. I was fortunate in meeting some incredible people, many of whom I now consider to be lifelong friends. The schools in Azarbe and El Esparragal were incredible, the children were wonderful, and thinking of them makes me feel nothing but absolute joy. Coming to Murcia I wasn't just visiting, I truly felt like I was a citizen of this hardly visited yet vastly underrated city. 

It's been almost three months since writing that first initial list. Like a race between hares and tortoises the list for "Why I will stay home" has slowly been catching up. I forgot how much I missed my family. I forgot how relaxed I felt after watching the sun reflect across the icy blue of the Sausalito bay. Seeing a favorite band with friends who have been there since days of homeroom is something irreplaceable. Mexican food still tastes amazing, and through two jobs I have met some really cool people. 

Three months later I found myself last night at 11:29pm with a list completely tied. Less than thirty minutes remained in what was my personal deadline for coming to internal terms with a plan. With both sides completely equal and still not a clue as to what seemed like a better decision I came to the conclusion that I really want to do both. I deeply want to be in Murcia, to continue with what was started there and see where life goes, but I also really want to be here in the Bay Area because there is nothing love for this place. 

If I chose Murcia I would have to leave in about three weeks from today, tell the bosses of my two jobs that I'm leaving, and say bye again to a lot of people who I had only recently reconnected with. If I chose home I wouldn't be experiencing a new school, new travel destinations, and wouldn't be building on the friendships that were birthed only almost a year ago. 

Blankly staring at the list last night at 11:29pm I sat up from the couch where I was seated, got up, brushed my teeth then washed my face because it was almost time for bed. I walked up the stairs to my room and instead of directly turning off the lights before sleep I grabbed a coin. 

For three months I had been racking my brain, driving myself slightly mad with uncertainty like an unsettled white capped sea, and thinking about where, where, and where. Holding a dollar coin with James Garfield's golden face on it I was sick asking myself questions and ready to move forward towards somewhere or other wheres. 

It was now time for chance to decide. I flipped the coin and closed my eyes. 

If it landed "heads" I would go back to Murcia, if it landed "tails" I would stay home, continue saving up, and continue towards something else.

The coin, along with my stomach, spun for probably two seconds before it connected with fuzzy blue carpet.

I opened my eyes and searched for a shiny golden circle in a sea of faded blue. 

Tails.

With a handful of minutes to spare before midnight I officially decided to turn down a teaching position in Murcia, Spain. I deeply apologize to the school in El Infante where I was assigned for this upcoming year but know that whoever is coming in my place will do an amazing job, probably better than what I would do. Thank you to La Consejeria for the consideration and support. 

With only a handful of minutes before midnight I made a new deadline. December 1st, 2015. 

On December 1st, 2015 I don't know what I'll be doing or what I'll be thinking about. Maybe I'll be waiting for a bus or having a beer with friends. The only thing I do know is where I'll be. 

I'm going to be in Murcia, Spain. This time not as an English teacher but as wanderer with dusty shoes, and more importantly as a friend.  

The coin that's now in my hand bares the image of the Statue of Liberty with the inscription "United States of America." This is where I'll be staying...for now :)

To whoever has taken time out of there day to read this I really appreciate your time, and I also really appreciate you :) 

Sincerely,

Daniel Catena